Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
