I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
