I like to think it a success when the cops are called
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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