an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
