It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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