Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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