I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
