You're my little dorito
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
