i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
