i would punch a child for taco bell
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
