so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
