There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
