I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
