That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
