she woke up with a sticky ear
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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