I saw his package. It spoke to me.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
