I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize
