please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
