She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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