Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
