yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
