Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
