his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
