i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
