Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
