Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
