The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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