chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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