at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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