Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
