So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
