i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
