Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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