So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
