Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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