Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
