I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
