We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
