the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
