I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
