8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
