whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
