Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
