All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
