Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
