shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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