I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
