Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
