ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
