Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
